Is this it?

 

My periods have stopped. I've gone from being as regular as clockwork to just stopping. I wasn't quite expecting it to be like this, albeit it's only been 2 months. Hubby says I'm pregnant, and it's not his. I say if I'm pregnant it's not mine either! 

I still don't have the classic symptoms of hot flushes, night sweats etc but I do have brain fog and mental health issues. On Friday morning I woke up and felt like my world had fallen in. I couldn't stop crying and felt so utterly miserable I had to take the day off work. I managed to speak to my GP a couple of hours later and I asked her if I could have a blood test to see if the menopause was starting. She said no blood test was needed. I'm almost 53, my periods have stopped, and I'm feeling like I'm having a huge PMT session - I am menopausal! We then discussed HRT. Wowzah, was not expecting this. Not much time to think but yes, I thought I must try. If it works it might be my saviour and if it doesn't we can re-think. I'm nervous, obviously it's had some bad press but more recently I feel it's been proved to be pretty safe. I wasn't put off taking the pill when I was younger so hey ho. If anyone has HRT experience I'd love to hear from you. 

It's so funny though, I detested periods but since I've not had one since November I feel all weird about it. I think it's the unknown of whether they are gone for good or will I suddenly get one a few months down the line that it'll take me for an unpleasant surprise. 

Last week I lost 2lb, BiL lost 4lb! This week has been shit. I've eaten a ton of food and put the 2lb back on. BiL says he had a bad weekend but was planning on getting his shit together during this week. I suspect he did. I don't want to be defeatist but well that's a big element. As I wrote last week he'll win! I think I shouldn't have accepted his offer of competing but I thought it would be the push I needed to get my arse in gear. Big mistake lol 

Apart from eating lots of food I've also been experimenting with cocktails! I adore a cocktail. I bought a bottle of Koko KANU (coconut rum) and crème du cocoa (chocolate). I've had lemon and coconut (yummy), raspberry and chocolate (yummy) and, as pictured, coconut and chocolate (yummy). I am a law unto myself. But at least I'm happy - apart from feeling utterly miserable I'm really happy. 

Everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was.